It’s not that often that I feel silenced and unable to speak up, but lately, I have been. I have been reticent with my excitement about giving birth, going into labour, and for all of the experiences that are to arise as a result. 

I’m not one who typically rides the fence. I like to take a stance and then argue adamantly for my point. However, today, I’m not here to promote vaccinations or anti-vaccines. Sorry to those for whom that is an interest. I’m writing to raise an issue regarding the ability and tolerance around thinking critically about vaccines. Vaccines is not a black and white issue and yet there are not enough meaningful conversations happening around the topic when there should be. 

Instead of meaningful conversations with people seeking to understand the nature of vaccines and vaccination choices, there are emotional opinions on both sides, which, from what I have witnessed, often leads to name calling and silencing of critical thinking. 

Home births are a controversial topic among many people who care about birth. Personally, I have had conversations about this with all sorts of people including obstetricians, midwives, doulas, women who have had home births, women who have had hospital births, (no women who have had birth centre births yet), fathers and other partners prepping for an upcoming birth, fathers and other partners who have been at their baby’s birth and some who have not, and parents, friends, siblings, and cousins of moms and moms-to-be. What strikes me most interesting in all of these conversations is the attitudes that persist and, even more interesting, is where everyone gets their attitude from. What I have noticed throughout these conversations is that attitudes vary significantly and can, at times, be predicted based on a person’s background, education, and experience. This is not that surprising given how much our attitudes formed are, in general, influenced by the environment in which we live, work, and educate ourselves. 

After 2 months of experiencing nausea 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, it finally broke, just like a fever does. I was standing in the kitchen and all of a sudden I felt it lift and float away. Then, I felt something so familiar and comforting that I just wanted to cry. I felt “me” again. 

The feeling, as comforting as it was, didn’t last because, of course, I’m not exactly me again. “Me” is carrying another “me” inside of this body. Me is pregnant, 15 weeks as of December 15th.

This new me has already experienced many changes.

The idea of a water birth to me sounds somewhat luxurious… the idea of being immersed in warm water and a comfortable entry of the baby into this world… The only thing missing would be the warm sun shining down and a mojito at my side for when it’s all over.  :) 

But for some reason a water birth doesn’t quite sit well with me (yet?). Excluding the fact that I worry about my shoulders being cold or somehow getting chilled if I was in there too long, there are other factors that raise concern for me. The first of which, is that it just doesn’t seem natural to me. I haven’t heard of many women of the past intuitively running to the stream to give birth, but do correct me if I’m wrong! I seriously just haven’t heard of it (except for the first documented case of a woman in France in 1803 who, after a long exhausting birth, got into a tub of warm water (http://www.babycentre.co.uk/a542003/the-history-of-water-birth). 

There is a stigma associated with being human… and by that I mean, being emotional. Somewhere along the way we (collectively) have deluded ourselves into thinking that we (collectively) shouldn’t express our emotions, which represent fluctuations of the mind that come with having a human brain. 

I have spent a great deal of my life feeling and being independent. Perhaps I was born with some sense of it but I do think that experiences in my life reinforced it as I adopted an “I can take care of myself” or “I’ll do it all alone” mentality. In many ways, this way of living and believing did work to my benefit. I feel like I have accomplished a lot and am successful in many ways, partially as a result of that strong independence.